Thanks to Dr. Richard Ramos for guest writing this week’s blog. Dr. Ramos is the proud and energizing Superintendent of Miami Schools in Arizona, NOT Florida.
I met Richard at the Arizona Rural Schools Association conference last year and had him on the #ELB podcast as a guest–and here is following up on my request to guest-write this great story. Stories, experiences, and excellent relationship builders! Thanks Richard! He shared so much on the podcast that you can watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFPSCHBdnxE
Can I call you DC?
Authentic and impactful relationships building strategies by Dr. Richard Ramos
I have been an educator for 29 years, and over time, I’ve learned that building relationships is the foundation of a successful career—especially with students. For the past 20 years, I’ve consistently applied several strategies that have helped me build meaningful connections not only with students, but also with teachers, parents, and community members. One of the most effective strategies I use is surprisingly simple: nicknames.
Giving someone a nickname can make interactions more personal and engaging. Of course, there are important ground rules—the nickname must be respectful and mutually agreed upon. When done right, it becomes a shared symbol of connection and trust.
I recall a memorable experience from a few years ago when I was serving as a principal. I was struggling to connect with a student named Ruben, who was starting his eighth-grade year. One morning during the first week of school, a stray dog wandered onto campus, causing concern among the students. As I tried to guide the dog away, Ruben approached me and offered his help. Calm and confident, he gently led the dog off school grounds. I was impressed and thanked him for stepping up.
At that moment, I asked Ruben if I could call him “DC” for Dog Catcher. He smiled and agreed. From that day forward, I referred to him as DC—and something shifted. Our relationship improved, and so did his behavior, especially in his interactions with me.
Weeks later, during cafeteria duty, I noticed Ruben acting out. I called out his birth name to redirect him. He immediately corrected his behavior, then came up to me and politely reminded me: “You’re supposed to call me DC.” That reminder, simple as it was, reinforced the bond we’d built. From that point on, Ruben consistently followed expectations, and I never forgot the power of that connection.
This strategy works. Nicknames, when used with care and authenticity, can break down walls and build bridges. In my experience, it’s often the smallest gestures that make the biggest impact.
Another strategy I use regularly is making “I notice…” statements—a technique I learned during a Love and Logic seminar. The idea is to observe and comment on something without assigning judgment or value. I’ve found this to be a powerful way to build connections with students, teachers, and parents.
Each day, I make a conscious effort to notice something about someone—hair, jewelry, clothing, glasses, colors, or other visual details—and simply state it. For example, I might say, “I notice you’re wearing red today,” or “I notice you have new glasses.” Almost every time, the recipient responds with a smile and a “thank you.” It’s become a daily routine for me, and even a bit of a fun game. The key is to observe without evaluating—no compliments, no criticism, just noticing.
This strategy has taught me valuable lessons. As a principal, I once told a student, “I like the way you wear skirts as part of your uniform. I notice that about your ensemble.” While well-intended, I unintentionally assigned value to her appearance. Later, the student, Ebony, quietly pulled me aside and said, “Mr. Ramos, I don’t actually like wearing skirts—my mom makes me.” That moment hit me hard. I realized the importance of keeping these observations neutral and respectful. Since then, I’ve never added value to an “I notice…” statement again.
This simple yet impactful strategy has helped me connect with others in meaningful ways for over 20 years. When used thoughtfully, it creates space for appreciation, respect, and authentic relationships—without pressure or pretense.
The third and final strategy I use is what I call the Four T’s—a simple yet powerful framework for building authentic relationships with students, especially in underserved communities like ours.
- Teeth – Use your smile. We all have teeth, so let’s show them. A genuine smile may be the only one a child sees all day. Smiling is a small gesture that can make a big impact.
- Two Eyes – Make eye contact. We have two eyes for a reason—look your students in the eyes. You’ll often learn more from a child’s eyes than their words. Eyes reveal emotion, openness, and sometimes hidden struggles.
- Touch – Connect through appropriate touch. Whether it’s a fist bump, handshake, or high five, physical connection matters. We’re wired for connection, and a simple gesture can build trust and make students feel seen and valued.
- Time – Invest your time beyond the classroom. Attend their games, performances, talent shows, or even share a meal with them and their families. Time spent outside of the traditional school day fosters meaningful relationships and often opens the door to real conversations.
When we lead with the Four T’s—Teeth, Two Eyes, Touch, and Time—we create moments that go beyond academics. We build community, show care, and remind students they matter.
These three strategies have profoundly shaped my journey as an educator. I plan to continue using nicknames, “I notice…” statements, and the Four T’s throughout the remainder of my career. Each has deepened my relationships with students, families, and colleagues in ways I never imagined, and they remain at the heart of how I connect and lead.
